Growing up, I often heard people acting scandalized when they heard I didn’t have my life figured out or know what I wanted to study in college. It made me feel like I was behind or even moving too slowly for my age. But the reality was that I wasn’t the only one still trying to figure things out. According to DJS Research, around 6.2% of students entered college undecided about their future. Though this percentage may seem small, it still showcases a meaningful portion of students. Furthermore, well-known psychologist Adam Grant stated that kids shouldn’t even be asked what they want to be when they grow up, as it adds unnecessary pressure on them. Things tend to change a lot at their age. It also makes them feel like they are being closed off to a specific career when, in reality, they could pursue multiple paths that go beyond societal norms imposed by family, friends or their environment.
For example, I went from wanting to be a fashion designer, to an author, to a singer-songwriter and now I’ve finally decided to be a podcaster and journalist who also dabbles in public relations. As someone who has always been (and still is) super indecisive when it comes to making big decisions in my life, constantly changing my interests felt like a bad thing. However, over time, I realized that the evolution of my interests is what led me to my current interests. I’ve also learnt that rushing things only makes it harder to reach your goals and that taking small steps is often better than taking big ones that land you face-first into major challenges.
I’ve also discovered that oftentimes when a child says they’re interested in dance, their parents want them to perform or take classes, or if they say they like math, their parents want them to make it their life’s purpose. But not everything you do in life has to be pursued professionally. There are times when I feel like I’m doing something that has to mean something to someone else too or hold some value to others in order to be meaningful, but that’s simply not the case. You can just do things for fun without wanting something out of it, and that’s something that needs to be normalized.
The constant judgment by others for not having everything figured out in life only rushes the process of discovering yourself, while also making people feel as though they aren’t as valuable as other people who have a plan. As someone who takes criticism to heart, such words play a huge role in changing the way I perceive myself and the world around me. A normal decision now becomes something I can no longer make without feeling judged. Even if it’s an overreaction to a simple statement like “I don’t know what I want to do,” every word has a greater meaning and impact on every individual. According to Psychology Today, the words we use can be perceived as the truth of our own reality, furthering the harmful effects of self-criticism and judgment toward others.
Some people might say that judgment is a good thing, as it builds character and makes you stronger and more confident. They might also argue that it prepares you for the real world, where no one sugarcoats things and people can be very abrasive and harsh. Others might also link it to hypersensitivity, suggesting that some people are overly emotional and may simply want an excuse to shut down when given criticism. Though this line of thinking may be true to some extent, the impact of judgment depends on the individual. For instance, if someone already struggles with self-esteem and is told they are “stupid” for not having a plan for the future, it would have a severe impact versus an individual who already has a strong sense of self and wouldn’t be affected by judgment as much.. Our past experiences often determine the way we react to words and events, meaning judgment can be constructive for some and harmful for others.
To avoid such implications, we need to simply stop interfering in others’ lives and let them do what they want to do instead of shaming them for not having everything all figured out. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a step in the right direction as it would allow individuals space to grow and discover who they really are without others imposing their own opinions on them. Sometimes it’s good not to have it all figured out, as it allows us to make space for experimentation and be curious about our daily lives and have an element of surprise whenever we choose to do something new or differently.
