A caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. A bud transforms into a flower. A baby transforms into an adult. But, how many of them actually thrive once they reach that stage? Butterflies get stomped, flowers die and adults just deal with life. So, what’s so great about turning 18 and why is it romanticized? It’s nothing like the movies and we need to stop lying to ourselves about it! There are no spontaneous dance numbers or crazy excursions. Not even a fairy godmother to help you figure out how to navigate the future that’s ahead of you.
It’s commonly known that our core decision-making frontal lobes aren’t fully developed until we turn 25. So, why are we, as 18-year-olds, expected to know everything? At this age, we are still trying to figure out the ropes and understand how the world works. Society is structured in a way that tries to challenge you, before you believe you are even ready for it. It also tries to emphasize how growing up gives you a newfound sense of independence, allowing you to take control of your life in the process. Regardless of common belief, so far nothing matches the common expectation of 18 being a huge party. Life only gets more complicated and wild as you get older, with newfound responsibilities and deals to bargain. There’s no guardrails or even someone like Gabriella Montez to help guide you through the great apocalypse called adulthood. The worst part of all is that the movies only show the dramatic and not so true parts. For instance, in the movie, Can’t Hardly Wait, one of the characters declare their love to their love on the eve of turning 18, despite having loved her since they were kids. This concept frames the idea of going into adulthood as an end all be all situation. It also makes it appear like your life would be over if you don’t choose to declare random confessions outside someone’s house at 2am. Of course, the movie is clearly a piece of fiction, but it continues to set unfair expectations on people who are actually living this life as an 18 year old. I for one don’t appreciate having the constant feeling of impending doom whenever I talk to someone, afraid I’m going to say the wrong things.
Unfortunately, this feeling of impending doom also comes from external factors, like not knowing how to do certain tasks. For instance, some of us still don’t know how to file taxes, figure out what bank statement wordings indicate, or, in my case, also how to cook sometimes. There is absolutely no shame in not knowing these things, though. This is primarily because the people around us often make it seem like we need to know it all on day one, but not knowing things is never a crime.
I remember on day one of turning 18, my parents tried to set me up with a credit card. To my surprise, unlike past experiences, they weren’t allowed to say anything unless prompted to do so. This definitely was quite a change for me, as I was always so used to having them on my side and doing things for me. Of course, it might be my own fault that I never learned how to do things like this on my own, but I guess I never realised how independent life would become once you turn 18. Not only that, growing up, you don’t realise how important it is to know banking terms or credit card terminology that might help understand the random gibberish the bank professionals say.
Then of course, there’s my favorite new line, my parents love to say now: “You’re an adult now; figure it out!” I don’t even have an issue with the phrase. It’s more the fact that I often don’t know how to even begin figuring things out by myself. I’m someone who values deep connection and companionship, so not having anyone around me to help left me feeling horrified. This is another piece I would like to highlight. The movies always show the parents doing almost everything for their children, despite them growing older. But this isn’t true in real life as mentioned earlier. I don’t say this in a bad way at all, however. Instead, I’m trying to emphasize how the media makes us believe that we will always have someone to depend on. Having this mindset is exactly what’s keeping a lot of us stuck and stressed during the early days of turning 18.
Despite being the eldest daughter in my family, I’ve never lived the traditional pipeline experience of every eldest daughter. I didn’t have to worry about my younger sister or take responsibilities that exceeded what I was designed to do. Sure, cries and laughs were had, but in the end, it always came down to jumping into my parents’ arms as I finished each day.
The feeling of aging truly gets to you once you realize who you are leaving behind and that terrifies me. Knowing that as you grow older, your parents do too, makes turning 18 feel even more definitive than ever before. What if you don’t survive the real world? What if you live in the shadows of your past mistakes? What if things don’t work out? All of these questions are exactly why turning 18 isn’t all that, despite what the movies tell you.
Some people love to argue that turning 18 is the biggest milestone and allows you to truly build character and become your own person. Being independent is supposed to break off hyper-dependent habits and enable you to grow into a less attached person, but do you really think it’s worth it? I don’t see anything wrong with being a little dependent, but then again, I’ve only been 18 for seven weeks, so this might be an early assumption of how 18 is going to treat me. But, until I can confirm otherwise, 18 isn’t all that, and I stand by it.
