It’s time to hunker down and build that wall
May 17, 2017
Filed under Satire
BUILD A WALL! It’s the only true solution. I’m tired of these bad hombres entering California, corrupting our systems. Lazy, dependant on welfare. We speak English in America! We are building a wall to “keep our country safe.” The California-American border needs a wall to keep these people...
Alternative learning: new ways to cheat on tests
Natalie Rubio-Licht and Vikram Balasubramanian
May 17, 2017
Filed under Satire
Student at Dougherty Valley have some of the worst sleep schedules ever. The balance of sleep, social life, and academic responsibilities are out of whack. Students are turning into zombies after staying up until 4:30 am to cram in that last bit of information in before their A period tests. Thankfull...
EPA declares D.C. swamp too large to drain
Vikram Balasubramanian, Staff Writer
May 17, 2017
Filed under Satire
Breaking (Not) News— The EPA has recently ruled that the DC swamp cannot be drained. President Trump campaigning hard on cleaning up the slime and trash that walks all over Washington D.C. A spokesman for the EPA stated, “These reptiles are an essential part of the D.C. ecosystem — removing...
The Lunch Room: “Nutrition—It’s what we do!”
Amanda Su and Karen Wang
February 28, 2017
Filed under Satire
Amateur food reviewers Amanda Su and Karen Wang, after tackling Persimmon Place and Homeroom Mac ‘n’ Cheese, take on their biggest challenge yet: The DV Lunch Room. If you’re hungry during lunch time at Dougherty Valley, any local foodie will point you to Berkeley, then San Francisco, then...