It’s everywhere.
“I’m literally so dumb.”
“Why am I so ugly?”
“I hate myself.”
At DVHS, between rigorous course loads, demanding schedules and the insecurities that come with being a teenager, it’s no surprise that students resort to self-deprecating humor as a coping mechanism. On the surface, it may seem like cracking jokes about one’s own flaws is a funny, harmless way to manage stress. But at a certain point, it becomes detrimental.
Self-deprecating humor is linked to difficulty with emotional regulation, depression and suicidal thinking. These comments may start out as merely jokes, but the more you say something about yourself—even in a “haha, I’m just kidding” way—the more it sinks in. What starts as a way to make light of your flaws becomes a way to validate your insecurities. These “jokes” become beliefs, and the insults hurled at oneself for laughs begin to take a toll.
Most of the time, these jokes aren’t even funny — they’re just concerning. Self-deprecating humor often indicates low confidence and pushes people away. Trying to have a lighthearted chat with someone who won’t stop putting themselves down can be exhausting. You don’t know how to respond to their jokes and the conversation just seems so much heavier than it needs to be.
This begs the question: are these self-deprecating jokes a person’s way of being funny, or are they using it as a defense mechanism? Many people say terrible things about themselves because they believe that’s what everyone else already thinks, and they want to criticize themselves before anyone else can. While this may seem like a good plan in theory, it often backfires. As you make self-deprecating humor a habit, others may begin to believe that you actually view yourself in that negative way. Even worse, they may start seeing you that way, too.
It is also important to note that you are not the only one whose mental health is impacted by what you say about yourself. Even if you are resilient enough to constantly make yourself the butt of the joke and still maintain your confidence, you are normalizing this way of speaking around people who may not have such a strong sense of self. If you repeatedly put yourself down in front of your friends, your friends may start putting themselves down, too. What starts as a single joke about failing a math test can spiral into a culture where everybody constantly belittles themselves and feels as though they aren’t good enough. We really don’t need more of that at DVHS, an already high-pressure environment.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t any benefits to being able to laugh at yourself. In moderation, self-mockery can lighten the mood, make you more approachable and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. But there is a difference between lightheartedly joking about a minor mistake you made and chronically insulting yourself. When you can’t get through a single conversation without demeaning yourself, it stops being funny and starts becoming worrisome.
Completely eliminating self-deprecating jokes is not the solution I’m proposing. But it is important that we take a step back and ask ourselves if we are making these jokes because we genuinely find them funny, or if we are just trying to cover up our own insecurities. High school is already difficult enough — don’t be your own worst enemy.
