A team of San Ramon researchers have recently made a monumental breakthrough in the field of genetic engineering. The long standing dream of creating the perfect human is finally a reality, and they will...

Current time: 1:31am. To-do: ☐ no zzz’s ☐ write satire piece ☐ plan tomorrow’s tasks Sleep. What even is that anyways? I haven’t slept since the start of high school. I mean, why...

Dear Reader,  Imagine being 80 years old, comfortably seated in a retirement home, engaged in a spirited game of Scrabble with your dear friends. Suddenly, a groundbreaking idea surges through your...

My name is Gerald Whitman, I am 56 years old, and I refuse to watch “The Little Mermaid”—but not because she’s black or anything. I don’t hold the prejudices you think I do and I’m offended...

Being a teenage girl is rough. When I meet someone new and tell them my favorite artist is Taylor Swift, I can see the spark in their eyes go out. It’s worse than mere disappointment – I can actively...

Fifteen years after its release, American citizens are finally breaking their silence and speaking out against the horrors of the Android phone.  Though the Android was tolerated in its early years,...

As a practicing Muslim, Ramadan is one of my favorite (and least favorite) times of the year. Celebrating each night with family after a long  day and pursuing acts of service are some of the highlights...

Yes, it was me. I cannot deny it any longer, all of the food related incidents were me. I take immense pleasure in saying that I alone am responsible for littering and throwing food around campus. It was...

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of satire. Reporting live from Times Square, the world is in a state of calamity.  As of 10:00 a.m. today, Generation Z began practicing shelter-in-place. This event was...

*Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. You decide which parts.*   With the spring dance right around the corner and the failures of Valentine’s day behind us, anticipation is ripe. What...