In today’s fast-paced, rapidly changing world, dating just seems to be getting harder and harder — especially for poor young men like you, who have it the worst of all. You’ve probably tried just...

When DV junior Sue Perstalker was assigned a team presentation in AP Calculus CD, she thought her life was over. Her groupmates?  "What a bunch of losers," Perstalker said. “I don’t mean to be...

In a world obsessed with constant improvement, where achieving your best self is a societal mandate, one app stands out from the plethora of self-help nonsense. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the age...

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. An optimistic statement from NASA on Tuesday was the latest in a series of false announcements claiming that the space station was on an Earth-bound trajectory....

January 4th, 2024 marks the fifth child to drown in the chocolate river within the walls of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Once considered to be a place of hope where whimsicality was fostered and...

Doors at Dougherty are a design disaster. They certainly are a staple of engineering, but in many cases, they should be scrapped entirely. The double doors that front the classroom buildings are so...

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire After an uptick in concerning student searches, the PR team of Securely has released a statement detailing new protective measures designed to maintain a healthy...

Dear Reader,  Imagine being 80 years old, comfortably seated in a retirement home, engaged in a spirited game of Scrabble with your dear friends. Suddenly, a groundbreaking idea surges through your...

Being a teenage girl is rough. When I meet someone new and tell them my favorite artist is Taylor Swift, I can see the spark in their eyes go out. It’s worse than mere disappointment – I can actively...

Fifteen years after its release, American citizens are finally breaking their silence and speaking out against the horrors of the Android phone.  Though the Android was tolerated in its early years,...