Dear reader,
I love French toast. The recipe is a comforting ritual: one egg, half a cup of milk, a touch of brown sugar, a dash of vanilla, cinnamon to taste and four slices of brioche bread. It’s a recipe I know by heart.
The dish is remarkably comforting to me, and not just because it feels like eating dessert at eight in the morning. Instead, spending just half an hour in the morning on Wednesdays to make breakfast has helped find some sort of serenity, even during a time where my life feels like it’s going at a million miles an hour.
Even as I’m writing this column, my thoughts are pulled away by at least eight other things. I have college essays to write, flashcards to make, laundry to fold – and that isn’t even half of my never-ending to-do list. Did I find a white hair last week? Maybe. It’s just another item on my endless list of things to worry about.
What runs through my mind most these days is the way time seems to be relentlessly slipping from between my fingers. I no longer have a few hours to spend de-stress-baking on the weekends, and I’m afraid I won’t meet my yearly reading goal because picking up a book seems, ironically, like the least productive thing I could be doing. Even maintaining my bullet journal, the cornerstone of my organizational system, has become a challenge. I know I don’t just speak for myself when I say that it usually feels easier to be stressed out than to take the time to relax.
I know I don’t just speak for myself when I say that it usually feels easier to be stressed out than to take the time to relax. It’s like stopping to take a few deep breaths, and then realizing you actually have no time to breathe at all.
I agree that it’s idealistic to expect students to prioritize their hobbies or interests, when there are so many other things we could be doing instead. On more than one occasion I’ve heard people cynically ask, “Why would I waste my time on something that won’t help me get into college?”
But if our only metric of an activity’s “value” is whether or not it makes us look better in the eyes of some faceless admissions officer, it makes me wonder what we truly do for ourselves.
As a senior at a time when everything seems to be hurtling towards an uncertain-but-definite end, I honestly wish I had time to spend on anything that isn’t related to college or academics. In less than a year, I’ll be leaving the comfort of my childhood home. Who knows when I’ll next be able to occupy the kitchen for hours on end, baking more cookies than I can possibly consume on my own?
Even with all that said, my schedule remains densely-packed and devoid of time for pure, unadulterated enjoyment. But for now, I’ll put my worries on the back burner on Wednesday mornings. I’ll make perfect French toast and delight in my family’s smiles as they savor each bite. Perhaps I’ll simplify the task further, and lose myself in the rhythm of meticulously cutting perfect pieces of fruit, taking just a few moments to slow myself down.
With love,
Tanvi
