Generation Z seeks asylum from work


Grace Zhao

Generation Z is under constant pressure to work, and now they’ve reached the breaking point after going through “too much.”

Nayja Shah, Staff Writer

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of satire.

Reporting live from Times Square, the world is in a state of calamity. 

As of 10:00 a.m. today, Generation Z began practicing shelter-in-place. This event was reportedly organized by a Twitter user; 2.56 billion people have gone into hiding. They are seeking asylum from the concept of work. 

Kim Stan, a 17-year-old explains, “I think it’s time to tell my truth. For years I have been abused. My mother always yells at me to do work, and now I can no longer hold this trauma in.” 

She remains hidden in her home at Palm Springs as we speak. We were able to contact the original organizer of this global lockdown. 

“I have dreamed of this moment for years. I knew that one day ‘work’ would take over. It is shocking how easily other generations submit to this terror regime. Imagine waking up early to work all day on a computer screen, and for what? To get yelled at by a snowflake of a boss? That sounds insufferable.” 

Currently hiding under the covers, the organizer believes this shelter-in-place can propel change. 

“Honestly, I’ve been sleeping at four in the morning for so long and I don’t think I can live on caffeine anymore. I dread slaving a nine-to-five job like a robot till my fifties, and what about my artistic passions?! I’m afraid that work is stripping away my individual freedoms,” Generation Z member, A-$ro8n Malik, adds.  

As we speak, schools are scrambling to find ways to lure Generation Z out of their hiding. With millions of students absent, this event could debilitate the school systems if it continues.  But it is a more trying time for the dear parents of Generation Z. Thousands of parents have been called home from work to support their children.

There is no indication when this shelter-in-place will end. With what many Generation Z members have stated, the end is indefinite. For now we can only toughen up and continue to move forward.