The true horror this Halloween

Sheyda Ladjevardi, Photography Editor

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you might want to sit down for this. I know that it can be difficult to break certain habits, and this will be no exception, but I think it’s time for you to know this: Stranger Things will not be released this fall.

Now before you start rolling yourself into a blanket burrito and crying for the rest of the evening, I want you to know that I am here for you. I understand.

I know what you’re thinking: the Duffer Brothers are like the grinches who stole Halloween or, better yet, the Demogorgons who swallowed it whole. We might as well call off the entire holiday. No wonder why all of the pumpkins growing in Hawkins rotted, the Duffer Brothers killed Halloween and all of the good that comes with it.

But let’s not get too negative now, I made you a list. It’ll make (almost) everything better and fill the void that this tragedy has left within you.

1) Retail therapy. What better way to overcome this rough time than by spoiling yourself? Make yourself a nifty list of Stranger Things merch like mugs, sweaters, vinyl figurines, and anything else to drain your bank account. You may not be able to afford this month’s electricity bill, but Joyce Byers didn’t seem to mind the flickering lights.

2) Travel (more or less). Make a calculated plan to find your way to the Upside Down, nothing could go wrong with that, right? Just start digging and soon enough you will find yourself face to face with an actual Demogorgon! How cool!

3) Adopt a stray.  If you hear a rattling noise coming from your trash bin, cross your fingers and hope that you’ll be meeting your new pet. Don’t hesitate, nothing too bad could happen; Dart only ate Dustin’s cat, it truly could’ve been much worse.

4) Rewatch seasons one and two. This may be my most sane piece of advice yet. Although there may not be any new content this fall, seasons one and two remain on Netflix and may ease your pain while waiting for season three. Just relax, we will all get through this with time and patience.

I hope that this has helped you in one way or another. Alas, we only have to wait until summer comes around for the new season. Until then, we must make do with the resources we have available to us. And remember to take my advice with a grain of salt, you wouldn’t want to turn your life upside down.