Advice Column 19-20: Week 8

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Week 8

Q: So, there’s this guy that I really like who is a friend of mine. But, I am pretty sure that he doesn’t feel the same way so I’m kinda trying to just get over the whole situation. But I don’t know how? Like, one minute I’m like “Cool, I’m over it” but then the next I’m back to “But he laughed at my joke and his laugh is so cute.” So, it’s very cliché but what do I do?? 

-Bob the Builder

A: I feel like the whole “getting over someone because they’re a friend but i still like them” is such a subjective thing but I’m gonna give you a few pieces of advice I wish I had all throughout middle school (and let’s be real, for the most part of high school too). 

You should start looking into everything he does in a friend-way. I call this “bro-ing” someone. Basically, if he laughs at your jokes, you should avert your thinking to something that you would think if a friend laughed at your joke. I’m not sure if that makes sense but you have to treat him as a bro to create the feeling that he actually is a bro. (I hate myself for using “bro” so much but in this case, I must) You’ll only look at him as a friend if you keep treating him as one. Friendzone him even if he doesn’t ask for it. Mentally condition yourself into believing he is and will only just be a friend.  

If that doesn’t work,  you know what does? Rebound crushes. I MUST WARN YOU THIS IS A TAD BIT UNHEALTHY. I’m often a victim of liking someone for the sake of getting over someone else and I think it might be helpful in this situation. If the only reason you don’t want to like him is that you guys are friends, this is your go-to option. Find some other person you aren’t friends with and have a crush on them (easier said than done, I guess but this is what I usually do). 

But just a friendly reminder that it’s completely okay to have feelings towards someone, the real deal is whether you want them to act on it or not. “Hey they’re cute” is completely different from “Hey they’re cute, why won’t they ask me out.” I think as long as you’re good with the fact that you might not date them, you should be fine with how you feel. 

If all else fails, listen to Taylor Swift on repeat. I find this is a foolproof method. 

Good luck! 

Harshi 

 

Week 6

Q: I have a person in my life that I used to be best friends with but then some things happened and now things are really weird between us. Sometimes I hate her and sometimes I love her… I’ve been trying to just ignore her and quote “let it go” but it’s proving quite difficult, because she was really my only friend and being alone isn’t going as well I thought. Should I go back to her (even though I know we’ll never really be good friends again?)

-Nieva

A: Hi Nieva!

I know it hurts to lose a friend who you thought would be in your life forever, but if you believe that it’s for the best that you guys aren’t close anymore, try talking to some new people. Trying to make amends to a friendship that wasn’t good for either of you is only going to repeat an unhealthy cycle, and it can hurt both of you further if you’re forced into pretending to be friends with each other when things really aren’t ever going to be the same between you. Also, there are so many friendly people around you! Try talking to them or reconnecting with people you may have lost touch with; even though it may be scary, oftentimes it can lead to a great friendship. However, if you feel that the things that happened are something you guys could work towards getting past together, go for it! Sometimes, rebuilding a friendship after a bad experience can be difficult, but if you think it meant enough to both of you that it isn’t worth losing over whatever happened, you should try to restore it!

Good luck!

Amrita

 

Q: I’ve always been a really nice person, and rather innocent. But ever since I started high school, I’ve been questioning whether being a naïve sweet person is really how I want to approach life.  In life (and in Dougherty) everyone is out for themselves. Once I baked cookies for all my friends for Valentines, but I didn’t get any back. Often times I’ll let people copy some homework thing right before, and if I ask them for a simple favor, I always get a no back. It’s made me think, is it time to let go of the belief that people are inherently good, and submit to the ego that I’ve tried to suppress for so long?  Or should I keep being nice in the hopes that maybe one day, more people will return the favor?

-Dilly 

A: Hey Dilly! 

Not gonna lie, I can relate to this A LOT. I think the key thing to hold on to is not to let the environment around you change you for the worse, but rather for the better. Something that I have started to work on for myself is to be more firm and stand up for myself, as it is so easy to be a pushover when you’re an overly nice person. When people ask to copy my homework, unless its some sort of collaborative assignment or a study guide for a test, I either don’t respond to their message or actually tutor them and help them with the work. Do you feel like being nice is you, or you have been trying to be someone you’re not? It is possible you could show the part you haven’t shown while still being nice. I feel like not all people are inherently good, but they will later realize the value in your goodness. Will people return the favor one day? Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. Should it matter? Maybe. But at the end of the day, you need to live your life the way you want. Stand up for yourself while still being good to yourself, treating people how you would want to be treated. I know this isn’t really a straightforward answer, but this is the best advice I can give. Hope this helps. <3

~Daniela 

 

Q: Often times people do nice things for me, and I always feel indebted to them. I want to show my thanks, but I feel like saying just “thank you” isn’t enough. I’ve been trying to give people cookies every time they do something nice (even if they just “show up” to something I organized, I give them cookies or other food items) but I’m not sure if I’m taking it too far. Is a cookie enough, or perhaps too much to say thanks?  What else can I do to let people know they’re very much appreciated? 

-Lover

A: Hi,

One of the easiest ways to let others know that you appreciate them is to directly tell them. In some ways, the phrase “Thank you” is so common that it loses some meaning. Consequently, you can tell people “Good job” or “I appreciate that you did X.” It can feel a bit weird at first, but they’ll see that you made a deliberate effort to share your appreciation. The cookie is a nice gesture; (almost) everyone loves cookies!

Michael