The Wildcat Tribune

Top 10 “Hey You”s


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We have received all kinds of Hey You’s this year; the utterly mystifying, the unpublishable, and the ultimately poetic. Here, the Tribune chooses the best Hey You’s we’ve received so far.

1) how do i join wildcat tribune

Where do we even start? The lack of capitalization, the omitted definite article (The Wildcat Tribune, thank you very much); it’s one of the rare Hey You’s that gets funnier every time we read it.

2) It’s so AWKWARD reading the newspaper when I’m sitting on the toilet and drying my hands …

3) MS, I <3 my high waist strip of denim shorts and PINK sweats and I’m still going to wear them and YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!

This was after our “infamous” pink issue. We can’t tell if this eloquent argument hurts their cause or helps it.

4) Hey You, MM, You smell nice, you’re pretty, and unblock me on facebook.

5) What is love?????

6) “Let us crinkle The Chronicle.
It will be our tinder
When we are in the redwoods.
Burls the size of town politics,
Duff softer than Arabian rugs,
Perseids beaming with the City’s envy.
Let us run past scarlet skyscrapers–
Lose consciousness to the conscience of the woods.
And when mist licks us awake,
We will laugh at the Men
Who think they are better than this.”
Perhaps the poetic muse (hey, you!) finally ought to be cognizant of his brainchild. If Man should love himself who is defined through his work, and his work was solely derived from tangible inspiration, then the Aristotelian syllogism suggests he loves the inspiration, too.  

We don’t know what to say. As far as we can tell, this is an original poem. Somebody give this true artist a book deal.

7) “HEY YOU, YEAH YOU, I’M WATCHIN YOU -Dat random guy”

8) AC, you owe me cake.

We don’t know who AC is, but she/he really needs to give this passive-aggressive person cake. We’ve seen a version of this in at least half the issues.

9) If you aspire to go to select colleges, you should at least visit their campus.

Love this. You can hear the condescension dripping off the page.

10) Hey upperclassmen, any tips on studying for a 27-chapter AP history final?

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Top 10 “Hey You”s