Disclaimer: Michael Shi is the least qualified person possible to write this article

I’ve heard that chicks dig swag, in all its forms, so naturally I manifest my swag through my clothing. I’m all about those Obey snapbacks and Diamond crewnecks, and my sock game is on point. It’s a baffling mystery why I’m still single. Maybe I should start wearing Jordans…. I’d have girls lining up by the dozens. But that’s enough about me. Let’s talk about you, ladies. If any of you are wondering about what us guys think about your outfits, your uncertainty ends now. Prepare to have the deepest, darkest mysteries of the male mind unraveled and explained, supported by irrefutable evidence and qualified sources. Our truthful opinions on female fashion- the good, the bad, and the ugly -are revealed, for better or worse (most likely the latter).

The bad news always comes first, and this article is no exception. Females, as a whole, wear a massive variety of clothing in countless different variations, but there are certain articles of clothing or fashion practices that bewilder us males. For example, a large percentage of guys don’t appreciate it when girls wear extremely revealing clothes that expose a lot of skin- it gets distracting, makes some of us uncomfortable, and often it’s just weird. Is it too much to ask that you obey the dress code? You don’t have to dress up like a nun, but you don’t have to dress up like you’re going to the beach, either. We understand that it’s hot sometimes, but do you really have to wear those shorts that are practically just a strip of denim? I hypothesize that girls who dress like that are solely trying to draw attention to themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that, but is that really the kind of attention you want? In the same line of thinking, sophomore Dhroovaa Khannan states how he dislikes it when “words are written in weird places.” Sure, PINK sweats may be super comfortable, but surely there are pants out there that are just as cozy, without huge letters emblazoned across one’s rear. And senior Haaris Khan is strongly against what he and many others refer to as “hypebeasts,” people who dress only to impress, and are obsessed with certain brands, trends, and logos. He derides their clothes as unnecessarily “flashy,” and there are many who agree with him. Personally, I think a lot of girls look good in Obey crewnecks or Jordans, but of course, everyone has a different opinion. It seems that many of these statements are aimed against clothing that attempts to call negative or excessive attention to its wearer. After all, would you rather be known for your sense of humor and friendly attitude, or your controversially short skirts and the brands that you wear?

The worst is yet to come. Some outfits are so confusing, garish, strange, or plain horrendous, that they can only be classified as ugly. In my experience, Uggs are at the top of the list, as many guys believe that the boots aren’t called “Uggs” for no reason. And how about the way you wear some of your clothes? Sophomore Sathwik Booreddy states how he doesn’t understand the point of a rubber band tied around the bottom of your shirt, and I can’t say that I disagree. In addition, high-waisted shorts and oversized jerseys were condemned by the guys I interviewed. Finally, an over-abundance of makeup is universally abhorred, and I’m sure there’s no need for elaboration. But remember, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. What some people call “ugly” can be beautiful to everybody else.

Don’t lose hope, ladies. As much as we sometimes can barely bring ourselves to look in your direction, there are times when we can’t look away. For every Stussy shirt that bares half your torso, there’s a warm, attractive grey cardigan just waiting to be worn. Girls might not always look good, but when they do, they look good. And many of us believe that the best way to achieve this is through style that is at once casual, bold, and flattering. Haaris Khan states that “simple outfits and light colors” are what catches his eye. What may not seem extraordinarily beautiful to you, might just be what is beautiful to us. Sathwik Booreddy and appreciates the simple combinatioin of “skinny jeans and Vans,” as does freshman Robin Fu. Of course, dresses are a great way to express your style, and junior Saurabh Thakur agrees, preferring sun dresses specifically. When asked what he likes about female fashion at DVHS, Dhroovaa Khannan simply answered, “snapbacks and tattoos.” But let’s not forget other aspects of one’s physical presence. Sameer Ziaee, a sophomore, likes “how girls smell nice,” referring to when they wear perfume and pay attention to their olfactory as well as visual impressions. And while I appreciate the style of girls in snapbacks, girls in dresses, girls in running shoes, and everything in between, one of my favorite things to see on a girl is something “geeky.” Sure, Batman shirts are cool, but everybody has one, myself included. What really interests and surprises me is if a girl has a Star Wars backpack, or a Watchmen shirt, or a Doctor Who binder. It reminds me that it’s not just guys who can be geeks and nerds, but girls as well. It’s great to see them expressing their individual interests and personality- isn’t that what fashion is all about?

If you were discouraged by the previous articles, reading how something you had thought would be attractive is viewed as repulsive, please remember that what one guy (or a handful of guys, or even what the vast majority of guys) thinks shouldn’t determine what you wear. Only you should be able to determine what you wear. If the opinions in this article influenced you or changed your outlook, great! But fashion is supposed to be an expression of yourself. Whether you’re dressing to impress the opposite gender, or you don’t give a darn about the opinions of others and are only aiming for personal comfort or satisfaction, it’s always you who chooses what to wear, in the end. You can take notes on this article and try to learn from it, or you can simply ignore it and forget it ever existed. One sophomore (who chooses to remain anonymous), profoundly remarked, “Honestly, I don’t care about what people choose to wear. A good smile speaks more about a person than just about anything else.” And I’m sure that any guy you ask will feel the exact same way.