Advice Column: Week 13

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Hello DV students!

Thank you for submitting to the Wildcat Tribune’s Rapid Response advice column! We’ve tried our best to answer your questions for this week.

Disclaimer: The advice of the Wildcat Tribune Advice Column is provided by students, for students. While we have your best interests in mind, and we will try our best to help you, we are not expert sources for more serious topics. Our advice is intended to support you and help guide your decisions, but you are in no ways obligated to take it. Please email the Tribune if you feel the need to reach out for any kind of help or follow up for any inquiries.


Want to ask some anonymous questions and get advice? Our form opens every Monday and closes on Friday at 11:59 pm. Responses are always posted on Sundays on this website. Week 14’s responses will be available on Sunday, February 10.

Week 14 form: https://goo.gl/forms/lkCdiHm2OeW7ftlH3


Q: yOu pOstEd iT LaTe LasT tImE

– wjfjw 

A: Dear wjfjw,

Wrong. You were just early.

— Sarah K

 

 

Q: why do so many people hate/dislike freshman? don’t you think it’s stereotypical? everyone is so nice and open about different cultures and stuff, but when it comes to age, people just don’t like them???? Whut????

– justcurious 

A: Dear justcurious,

I’m assuming you’re a freshman, so believe me, once you become a sophomore, you’ll understand. Long story short— people outwardly insult freshmen and when those freshmen grow older, they do the same thing, just because they now can. It’s a cycle. When I just entered the school, I was completely ignored in math by my table mate after I revealed was a freshman. It was slightly hurtful, but there was no real animosity behind it— and as time went on, people get used to the incoming class, stop making jokes, actually start interacting with them.

And to be completely frank, hating on freshman is kind of a tradition. Freshmen have rolling backpacks, run around everywhere, and raise their hands every five seconds. They have an energy that most upperclassmen have long lost, and sometimes, that energy can feel grating since everyone is just so tired. Also, remember that there is a bit of an age gap— you grow and mature so much in those four years that freshmen sometimes appear like, in the words of a senior, “babies.”

In short, it’s not really about hating freshmen.

Oce

 

 

Q: How do I procrastinate less? I usually need my laptop when I’m doing homework or studying for a test, but I just end up texting my friends or watching YouTube , both of which consume my time. I put my phone away, but my computer always seems to distract me. I usually spend hours on it and waste so much time. How can I avoid this?

– helpmeplease

A: Dear helpmeplease,

Start by putting your laptop away whenever you’re doing an assignment that doesn’t require the internet. However, when you do end up needing your laptop, using website blockers will really help you not get distracted. StayFocusd is a free Google Chrome extension that allows you to set a time limit on websites you frequently use, such as YouTube. This way you can watch YouTube for an hour and use the remainder of your time for productivity. When doing homework, you should mute the chats with the friends you text the most. This way you won’t feel the urge to respond.

Hope this helps,

Caroline

 

 

Q: How do I tell someone I don’t like them when I’m unsure whether or not I do like them?

– Sweet Sister

A: Dear Sweet Sister,

Let them down gently, leaving a little room for hope. The best thing to do would be to be honest. Tell them that you aren’t really sure about your feelings for anyone right now, and that you don’t want to mislead them if it turns out you don’t like them, and that maybe sometime later you’ll be ready, but right now, you want to focus on figuring out your emotions. And chances are, you’re probably at least a little attracted to them, considering the fact that you were unsure if you liked them or not in the first place.

Good luck,

Amrita

 

 

Q: In Oce’s answer to my question for week 12 she said to “…feel those emotions… rant to your friends, binge a comedy in your spare time…find material for new thoughts. Go out with friends and have some interesting experiences or even talk to other guys.” Okay, first of all, I don’t have time to do most of that stuff, and secondly, I can’t rant to any friends because he is in that friend group, and third, every time I do see him I feel like hurting him how he hurt me. Are there any other ways to get over him without hurting him or me mentally or physically? – SofieDossiFan

A: Dear SofieDossiFan,

The team apologizes that you were unable to apply the advice Oce gave you. Because the Advice Column is structured so that the inquirers are anonymous and communication is rather one-sided, it is often difficult to tailor our responses to perfectly address all problems (especially because the nature of the column makes it difficult to gather complete context for answering specific questions). We acknowledge that all the advice we give won’t necessarily be applicable for this reason, but it is up to the inquirers to decide to what extent they will apply our advice to their own lives (if at all). With that being said, the Tribune Advice Column team would like to reiterate that we are committed to providing advice appropriately to each circumstance (to the best of our abilities). 

Sincerely,

The Advice Column Team

Dear SofieDossiFan,

From what you’ve mentioned in your inquiry, it seems like the problem is less concerned with “getting over” this person but rather, getting past the hurt that you’ve received from your experience with him. In any event where an individual leaves the situation with hurt, it is terribly easy to feel overwhelmed with negative emotions and vindictive anger. I expect that this guy is probably on your mind the majority of the day.

I know it’s easy for me to say, but it’s true: time will solve everything.

Try to put some emotional distance between him and yourself. Treat him like a stranger. It won’t be easy, but the effort is what matters. Consciously ignore every thought, especially negative ones, related to him. Act like he’s not there, because he (literally) won’t be in a few years anyways. Act like he’s not important enough for you to waste your emotions and time over, because he’s not. Consider him a temporary presence—only a fleeting face—because, let’s be honest, that’s really all he is, unless you choose otherwise. You are in control of your life and your emotions, even when it doesn’t feel like it. And even when it doesn’t feel like it, the important thing is to realize it and act like it anyways. Don’t let this goof have you so emotionally wrung out.

Hoping you the best,

Sarah

Dear SofieDossiFan,

To be blunt—getting over anyone is very rarely a painless process. It’s going to be difficult when your emotions are raw and the memories are still fresh, but as time passes, it’s possible for the situation to improve.

Try your best to not interact with the person that rejected you (based on questions you submitted in previous weeks, we assumed this person is the same individual that you have referred to previously). Avoid them if you can – talk to friends within your friend group that maybe aren’t as close to the person you’re trying to get over so that you can avoid speaking to them as much as possible. You mentioned that you “feel like hurting him how he hurt me.” Although things may feel unfair now, and revenge feels like the best method for getting some closure, it’s not going to be effective in the long-term. When people reject you romantically, they’re usually not intending to hurt you (even if they did) – they’re only acting in accordance to their feelings, and there comes a point when their decision and feelings have to be accepted. Again, I do not have all of the details of this issue, and I apologize if this advice doesn’t fit your situation.

The hard pill to swallow is this – you’re going to need to accept that this individual doesn’t feel the same way that you do. This may take time, and that’s ok. You may need time to yourself to process your anger towards this individual and any sadness you feel, and that’s ok. Perhaps the understanding that is most helpful in getting over someone is the realization that it’s not worth your time (or your emotional health) to be constantly sad or frustrated about someone else. In other words, it’s not worth your time to continue caring about someone that doesn’t care about you in the same way. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to find someone else that cares about you. It will take time, but I have hope that you’ll be able to find your own happiness. 

Wishing the best for you.

– Taylor

 

 

Q: I’m on this team w/ almost all girls (training is before tryouts), and they all ostracize me for some reason. They’re all freshmen except one, and the season has just started, but I can’t stand being around them. I’m thinking of purposely failing tryouts because of them. I’ve already had to quit other sports because of people at Dougherty. I know you’ll just say that in life I will have to deal with difficult people, but everywhere I go people are always ostracizing me. I thought that if I went somewhere else things would change, but they never do. Sometimes I feel like I always have to prove myself, and I done with doing that, because I should be good enough they way I am, but I guess something is wrong with me, or else everywhere I turn people wouldn’t be pushing me away for no reason.

– Anonymous 

A: Dear Anonymous,

The reason these people might be ostracizing you might be because they are actually jealous of you. They might hide it, but jealousy is a prime reason for others to act demeaning toward’s oneself. This is probably because you are good at what you do and are experienced with sports. They feel like to make themselves feel better, they have to attempt to tear you down so you either drop your level of performance in tryouts, decrease your self confidence, or just quit the team in general. If you have the skill and the ability to make a team sport, you must go for it. In my experience, i’ve only been cut from team sports at DVHS and it requires a high amount of commitment and dedication to even avoid getting cut.

You have no need to prove yourself because you are already too good for your teammates. This may be easier said than done, but just keep your head up and be yourself. If they keep bothering you, either be nice to them or just ignore them. If you have them on social media, you can also block them to keep negativity out of your life, because who needs that anyways. Talk to the people who feed your soul, not those who break your soul. You don’t have to be friends with those on your team, and that’s ok. Just keep your good friends close and avoid thinking about how other people perceive you. You have nothing to prove and your teammates just want to be as good as you. They are just too chicken to tell you to your face how good you are and how amazing you are. I hope this helps! 🙂

Best of Luck,

-Daniela

 

 

Q: Can I just go home after 5th period on thursdays? I mean, I don’t have a 6th period so there’s no point in wasting my life away during access.

– [Insert Cool Name Here]

A: Hi [Insert Cool Name Here],

You have asked a very good question, and I think I’m qualified to answer it since I don’t have a 6th period either. Logically, it makes sense to leave after 5th and not stay for access, but you can’t. I know it’s kinda dumb, but it’s just how it is, probably for safety reasons and so the school knows where you are when you technically are enrolled in a class (wherever you are for access). Just bear through it, I believe in you. So you don’t waste your life away in access, I suggest catching up on work, working or studying ahead, reading a book, or take a nap. If your teacher allows you to listen to music, that can help as well. You are free to leave as soon as lunch starts, and you are done with your day. 🙂

Best of Luck,

-Daniela

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