Advice Column 18-19: Week 5

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Hello DV students!

Thank you for submitting to the Wildcat Tribune’s Rapid Response advice column! We’ve tried our best to answer your questions for this week.

Want to ask some anonymous questions and get advice? Our form opens every Monday and closes on Friday at 11:59 pm. Responses are always posted on Sundays on this website. Week 6’s responses will be available on Sunday, October 28.

Week 6 form: https://goo.gl/forms/4C3XDXd0gk8YQk9q1


Q: how do you do well in hpc?

 – math whiz

A: So this seems to be a question that pops up every week- honestly, I have no concrete answer. However, I have linked series of tips here.

Best of luck!

Oce

 

Q: How do you apologize for accidentally passively-aggressively insulting somebody?

– #ROASTTTTT

A: #ROASTTTTT,

Ahh yes, how I wish I could tell you the number of times I’ve been in this situation myself. To be completely honest, the best way to do this is by straight up saying “I’m sorry for insulting that time, I didn’t mean to” or by admitting that sometimes our mouths don’t have the filter that we wish it did. Don’t beat yourself up about it though because you didn’t mean to offend them. Just apologize to them and they’ll appreciate the fact that you had the courage to go up to them and say sorry.

Hope this helped 🙂

Harshita

 

Q: I always feel like a third wheel around my friends and I don’t know if I should suck it up and deal with it or if I should talk to them about it because I feel like they might hate me if I complain about it.

– beanie

A: Dear Beanie,

I’m afraid your dilemma isn’t quite a question. Nonetheless, I’ll try to provide you with some of my own insight concerning friendships and the mess of emotions that often come attached.

To start, I understand that you’re probably friends with these people because you like them and you want to be friends with them. But if these folks aren’t treating you well… well, then. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate.

If you know, however, that these friends of yours are good people—understanding, sympathetic, and friendly—then I urge you to take a leap of faith and confront them with this issue. In my opinion, if these people are worth your time, then they’d listen and try to understand. They might have even noticed the same thing as you have and had remained silent about it because of the same reasons! Of course, I caution you to phrase and present the problem carefully when doing so in order to avoid any possibility of misunderstandings or, even worse, outright blaming.

If your “friends” turn out to “hate” you, then… I say discard them. Well, okay, not literally. What I really mean is, this may be a chance to see if these people are people you actually want to call your friends. Or maybe if you need to re-adjust your definition of “friend”. I’ve felt very similarly before with my own friends, and eventually I had realized that the problem hadn’t only lied in my friends attitudes, but also a great deal in myself. My ideal image of a friend had been unrealistic. I wanted the perfect Best Friend(s), but nobody was perfect enough. I wanted somebody who could be independent for me. And that wasn’t going to happen. In the end, I discovered that I couldn’t rely on somebody else for all my social or emotional needs. You have to be a good friend to yourself and be self-sufficient to some degree, before you can expect somebody else to care for you in the ways you want. Once you’ve done that you’ll find it’s a lot harder for people to let you down because you never expected them to do impossible things in the first place.

I know it may seem a little depressing at first glance—having to “be your own best friend”, but it’s not. It’s healthy. Society likes to promote this idea of perfect, lifelong relationships because it’s a nice thought, but codependency can’t be forced! Nor should it be an expectation going into any relationship. Also, I might remind you that we’re all high schoolers. You’re friends may act stupid and insensitive sometimes, but, don’t let that discourage you, because you’re you and you can be happy and good even when others aren’t.

My response may seem a little hard to apply, but I hope you consider what I’ve said in depth.

Ultimately, I hope you come to an understanding with your friends. And yourself, if necessary. Actively present yourself as a good kid, and I guarantee that good kids will come to you! Don’t lose hope.

Best wishes,

Sarah Kim

P.S. If you need anybody to talk to or if you want some follow-up feel free to shoot me an email at [email protected]!

 

Q: I really like someone and these feelings are reciprocated by this guy. We’ve admitted it to each other. Now what? Neither of us can bring the subject up without being embarrassed and it has become an awkward friendship. I thought that saying our feelings would be the hard part. I’m so confused of what to do now.

– Pink Shadow

A: Dear Pink Shadow,

Try having a conversation with them about it – you can tell them where you’d like your relationship to go next, and ask them what they think too. You can mention that you’ve felt like things have been strange between the two of you recently, and ask if they’re also confused about what to do next. If you can reach an agreement as to whether or not you guys want to be in an official relationship, and address the embarrassment that both of you feel, it might help to reduce some of the awkwardness if you know both of you feel the same way and are just as unsure of what to do next. Once you’ve both established that you’re interested in one another and you want to break out of this “awkward friendship” stage, then maybe the next step can be asking them out on a date! You don’t need to be extremely formal and declare it a date – ask them if they’d like to hang out, and visit a museum or go to see a movie. When you speak to them, try your best to ignore any tension you feel – sometimes, being confident and appearing comfortable can help the other person feel the same.

Good luck!

Taylor

 

Q: During he first few weeks of school, I didn’t really have the time (or energy) to get to know new people. I’m really regretting that now, because I want to expand my horizons and make new friends. I feel if I try now, it’ll be awkward because people have already formed their own groups. Any advice?

– Freshie in need of help

A: Hey Freshie!

Yes, talking to people is exhausting and time-consuming. The way I got around freshmen year was talking to kids in my class. Yes making friends the first week would’ve helped, but it’s okay. It’s only the second month of your high school career so I wouldn’t worry! Speaking to the kids in your classes can help with your situation. Talk to the people that you sit around, and trade numbers for assignments. This helps because you have a base for conversations. These classroom friendships are super important, and your way find a diverse group of people to  hang out with. If this fails, hang out at the library! Interesting, and fun people hang out there all the time and it’s great to strike up conversations in the library.

Hope this helps!

Harshita

 

Q: How long does it usually take for people to have their first kiss in a relationship? And please don’t just answer “whenever it’s comfortable”.

– Sheltered Senior

A: Hey Sheltered Senior,

I’ll be honest. I have no idea. Call me Sheltered Junior, but I’m afraid the only answer I can think of is… whenever it’s comfortable. I mean the answer’s definitely not when you or the the other person partaking in this kiss are uncomfortable, is it? By process of elimination alone, I’d have to settle on the answer that you explicitly told me not to answer with. I mean, let’s put it this way: would you kiss somebody despite your discomfort, or the other person’s discomfort, simply because it’s been exactly a week into that relationship because that’s when people “usually” have their first kiss? No! You kiss when you want to! Nobody schedules their kiss beforehand.

And I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear, but I swear it’s not that bad! After all, if two people are in a relationship, they probably want to kiss each other! Right? Isn’t that how these things work, usually? I must say, I have no experience, but I thought people got into relationships because they want to kiss each other. So… kiss each other! I mean, assuming you’re talking about yourself and your partner when you mean “people”, that is.

In fact, I propose to you a mission! Kiss this person (continuing on the assumption that this question directly relates to you) by the end of the week. Like, why not? And if you find yourself truly uncomfortable with that suggestion, then don’t—obviously you aren’t ready, and there’s no reason to force yourself to do something because hollywood told you it’s normal to. There’s no due date for this sort of thing. Take your time. Relationships are a personal thing, and there are no rules to it besides the ones you and your partner make for them.

Good luck,

Sarah Kim

 

Q: How can I treat my senioritis until graduation? College apps are stressing me out everyday and I just want to avoid working on them. Also, schoolwork is just piled on me recently and I’m constantly getting tired.

– qwertyuiop[]\asdfghjkl;’zxcvbnm,./

A: Dear qwertyuiop[]\asdfghjkl;’zxcvbnm,./,

Treating senioritis is tricky. To be entirely honest, I’m having trouble staying motivated myself. If you’re finding that you’re less motivated to work than you used to be, the best advice I can give you is to remind yourself that mid-year transcripts are a thing, and that colleges can definitely rescind admissions offers if your grades drop drastically.

In terms of reducing stress related to college apps, you can make a checklist of things you want to accomplish if that helps you to organize small tasks that you can work towards. If this instead makes things overwhelming for you, set aside time to work on college apps – it can be 20 minutes a few days a week, or an hour or two on the weekends. The thought that you’ll need to work for hours at a time can be discouraging and make you procrastinate even more. Remind yourself of any deadlines you have too – sometimes, knowing when things are due can help motivate you to start working again. I’ve avoided working on college apps too, especially since I’ve been busier in my classes. I’ve been reminding myself that college applications will have to be done at some point – unfortunately, there’s no avoiding them, but we’ll all be able to breathe a sigh of relief once they’re over.

With that in mind, I hope you’ll be able to finish your applications soon and avoid further stress. It’s a long, painful process, but it’s a momentary painful process. It won’t be long until we’re starting a new chapter of our lives and moving beyond Dougherty. If you’ve made it this far, I have faith that you’ll be able to survive until the end of May.

Good luck!

Taylor

 

Q: What are the requirements to get into any UC? Thanks!

– Green

A: Dear Green,

You can find a more detailed answer to your question at http://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/, but I can summarize it here for you briefly as well. Academically, you must have a 3.0 GPA (3.4 if you aren’t a CA resident) with no grade lower than a C on your a-g courses in tenth and eleventh grade. In addition, you must take either the ACT or the SAT with Essay and must complete a certain set of required subjects in high school (found on the site). These requirements only determine if your application will be considered by a UC. Your acceptance will be determined not only on whether you meet these requirements but also if you’ve shown achievement in academics, leadership, and extracurriculars outside of a school setting. Being recognized as in the top 9% in either your school or your state (calculator provided here: http://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/freshman/california-residents/admissions-index/index.html) will also make it more likely for you to be accepted into a UC.

Thanks,

Oce

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