The Wildcat Tribune

Lessons in Love: How to Keep A Relationship Going

Michael Shi, A&E Editor

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There comes a time in every relationship when you just aren’t feeling it anymore, and it shows. There are fewer couple selfies taken, less making out in front of classrooms, and only a single heart emoticon sent with each text (sometimes even none). For those students out there harboring fears that they won’t grow up to marry their special friend, and that their once-loving bond will be reduced to sobbing pathetically while viewing old texts, this article is for you! Read and obey these following commandments, and you’ll be back to multiple heart emoticons in no time.

1) Talk it out

Verbal communication is proved to have a strong correlation with successful romantic relationships. Perhaps expressing your sentiments in an honest conversation will allow both of you to learn something new about the other, and revitalize the dying affections. There are many effective ways to initiate this conversation, such as “I hate you,” or “why don’t you ever respond to my texts?”

2) Try something new

It’s a big world out there, and there are so many possibilities to explore with your significant other. You can only have so many walks on the beach and SAT study sessions before you get bored. Spice up the tedious, deadening mundanity of daily life with some unique date ideas, like a jog on the beach or a PSAT study session.

3) Cry

It’s a known fact that crying makes you feel better. Let it all out without fear. Such a catharsis might enable you to realize your true feelings, as well as give you an excuse to listen to Drake. The tears flowing down your cheeks could symbolize the rejuvenating essence of emotion, or possibly the precious lifeblood of your romance, leaking out to be lost forever.

4) Give up

An ancient American proverb goes, “the light is brightest right before the night.” This is very applicable here. Sometimes it’s best to accept the inevitable. What was once a fiery, mutually pleasing interaction of hormones and pheromones has been reduced to sputtering, fading sparks, soon to be extinguished.

5) Find someone else

If it’s not working out, just cut them out of your life. This entails pretending not to notice when you walk past them, and obsessively stalking their social media. You don’t deserve this- you need someone who will appreciate you for who you really are. Some highly-regarded methods for seeking a new romance include Tinder, OkCupid, and Grindr. There’s no shortage of hot singles in your area.

6) Give up again

Companionship and human interaction aren’t for everyone. Some people are just meant to die alone. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. If nobody loves you, it allows more room for you to love yourself. Once you’ve forever renounced romance and emotional attachment, you can focus on finally living your life. There are many ways to fill up the void in your psyche. Consider investing time in a new hobby, such as knitting, lacrosse, or arson. Maybe you could turn to religion- the Cult of Dagon is known to be quite welcoming of bitter, heartbroken acolytes. Or you could pursue an artistic ideal to share with the world. A heart-rending, emotional cover of a sad song uploaded to the Internet is guaranteed to get multiple views.

And there you have it, folks! I hope these tips helped, because otherwise your relationship is doomed.

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Lessons in Love: How to Keep A Relationship Going