The Painful Advice: How to get over him

Veronica Liow, Managing Editor

You were told in biology that ice melts once the temperature reaches zero degrees.

And when that weird kid in the back asked the teacher at what degree does human flesh begin to melt, you laughed along with the rest of your class.

Yet here you are wondering how someone with the same 98.6 degree internal temperature as you could simply glance towards your direction in order for your heart to feel as if it has melted into your grandmother’s infamous chicken noodle soup and your legs to feel as if they have dissolved so that you can no longer stand properly.

But something  went wrong. Somewhere along the way, someone stopped trying. Someone stopped caring. Both of you have tried to work out the kinks and complications in an attempt to salvage what was left of what once was such a blossoming relationship, but constant fights and disagreements have replaced your everyday conversations.

And here you are now. Alone.

Days pass by. You mourn over the loss of someone who was and still is someone special. Your friends tell you to forget about him —that he was a horrible boyfriend anyway, but that’s not what you want to hear. You tune everyone out and find yourself yearning for him to wrap his arms around your waist and bring you into a nice, warm hug. But instead you are watching Netflix and binge eating your all-time favorite desserts, alone.

And that’s okay, because once upon a time, long ago, you gave a piece of your soul in exchange for his, and now that he has taken his piece back, you’re left incomplete, feeling nothing or everything at any given moment. You are in a state of purgatory, but unlike spirits, who serve a certain amount of time before heading up to heaven, you are unsure when you will be relieved from this state of mind. So you are allowed to mourn over someone who once took up so much time out of your day. His sudden absence throws off what previously was a consistent schedule of school, homework and late night Skype calls. You need time to adjust to this new life, one without him, so it is okay to not be okay. You are allowed to cry and be angry at the same person who previously filled you with so much life, but has now taken a piece of your heart and left you empty.

But now it has been weeks, months, even. It is time, time to move on.

It is time for you to learn to live a life without him. You have done it plenty of times before. You can do it again. You deserve to free yourself from all those late nights of staring at his Facebook profile or replaying his voicemails. You deserve a chance to open yourself up to another person, who at this point in your life could be a better person for you than him. Or maybe, you will have the chance to grow by yourself. You can learn how to be a better person — physically and emotionally.

But you cannot do any of these things unless you stop carving his name into the conscious of your mind. Stop letting his very name hinder you from being you. You need to move on. You need to stop thinking you have a shot with him — that he will one day swoop in and sweep you off your feet.

Because it is simply not going to happen.

However harsh it may seem, it is the truth. While you are laying on your bed, essentially living in the past, he is living in the present, and the whisper of your name no longer arouses any emotion it once did. Whatever you and him had is no longer there, and now that you have taken time to mourn over the loss, it is time for you to move on. It is time for you to learn how to live without him.

Although moving on isn’t as easy to do as it is to say, effort is the first step to take, and coincidentally, it is the hardest. Force yourself to get up from bed. Don’t look at old texts or check whether or not he is online. Delete all those old voicemails so that his voice no longer lingers in your mind.

Often after break-ups, people stay in bed and never change out of their pajamas. Instead of staying in your baggy sweatpants, try dressing up for a day and maybe even the next. Those cute shoes you bought four months ago but never had a chance to wear? Put them on. That dressy tank top that you haven’t worn in so long? Even if all you’re doing is walking to the local coffee shop to get a frappuccino, wear it. Heck, add in your favorite black leather jacket. Dress yourself up to make yourself good because sometimes, physical appearances can affect your mood. After all you’ve been through, you deserve the chance to feel better.

Try distracting yourself. Take your mind off of him by trying new things. Immerse yourself into hobbies you could not possibly have imagined yourself doing before. This is a time period of growth, and it is okay and even recommended for you to expand your horizons. Maybe during one of these new hobbies, you’ll learn a little more about yourself. And after you have moved on, he will no longer be a constant thought but instead a euphoric memory of someone who once made your heart jump and stomach flip flop. You will have grown and will continue to grow at your own pace. And now, you’re ready to be free.