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Valentine’s Day struggles: Girls v. Guys

Yebin Shin and Michael Tobin

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Yebin Shin:

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and estimates are that it is going to be either a day full of excitement and delight or a day of dread and Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.).

Also, it is day that causes the classic “girl vs. guy has harder time” debate.  Many guys would  argue that they have it harder for  having more “expectations”.

However, girls have it harder on Valentine’s Day.  Here are the reasons why.

Anticipation and tension: On Valentine’s Day, most girls (even though they pretend not to) anticipate being asked out in the most romantic way that will put others around her in awe.

Since most girls are waiting anxiously to be asked, they release the anticipation from waiting by talking about the special day with friends.

The comparison of one another starts giving girls another source of a stress piling on top of her, as if the day itself is not enough.

Stereotypes: “Typically” is the phrase guys hate the most on Valentine’s Day, but stereotypes hit girls harder than guys.

Guys argue that it is harder for them with all the pressure they get from the general “standard” around them.

On the other hand, girls asking their significant other out breaks the odds and goes against the “Dougherty social norm” of guys asking girls, which makes the girl who proposed the “desperate” one.

Guys say that planning the process makes it harder for them, but they don’t realize that planning is the easiest part of it.

Waiting is harder than planing: As I said before, stereotypically, it is harder for girls to ask someone out than for guys. The only choice left for girls is to wait, knowing that they can’t influence the outcome they want.

The waiting is so tense that it can be analogous to the Dougherty analogy of “waiting for a test result”.  Just like tests, we don’t know what to expect, therefore making the waiting harder.

The end of day: When the day ends, mixed feelings surge through girls. Some might have had the best day of their lives, but other girls can feel depressed from the results.

The anticipation that they might have felt makes the disappointment worse and makes girls blame their lack of preparedness and feeling stressed after not getting asked out at the end of the day.

Along with self dissatisfaction, there are also comparison issues between girls when the flower or candy “count” starts.

The aftermath: The best-case scenario is getting asked out for a second date, but if that doesn’t happen since girls are more sensitive, they feel more side effects of the day than guys do.  It’s even worse if the girl’s crush asks someone else out.

Men might have more economic pressure for the day, but economic pressure is only for the day of. On the other hand, girls have more emotional effects from the day than guys do,  since guys don’t gossip or talk about their love life as much as girls.

Therefore guys have fewer things to deal with after the Valentine’s Day.

In the long run, girls have it harder on Valentine’s Day.

 

Michael Tobin:

Well, it seems Saint Valentine’s Day is nearly here, and with it, the age-old dispute: who has it harder on national Single’s Awareness Day, guys or girls?

As a dude, it is not surprising that I would champion the side of men on this one.  However, before I make my case, I would just like to point out the merit of the argument for women having it harder.

While dudes have it the worst, girls still have it bad.  Personally, the fact that girls have to sit tight and hope for the best is what bugs me the most.  I cannot stand to do nothing; I must always be working towards my goal.

For a girl to follow the traditional romantic path and do nothing but hope to be asked out seems quite unbearable.

But, it still doesn’t stand up to these 10 reasons why guys have it harder on Valentine’s Day.

Expenses: The vast majority of the time, we chaps provide the funding for the date and for the ask-out.  Naturally, as most guys want to have a good time, and more importantly, make sure their date has a good time, the expenses can be somewhat substantial.

The ask-out additionally racks up debt rapidly: flowers, balloons, baked goods, chocolate, whatever: they all cost way too much.

The worst part is that they are investments that may not make any interest, whereas the date’s expenses are more likely to be worth the price.

Planning the ask-out: With DVHS students perpetually upping the ante with more increasingly grandiose ask-outs, it would seem that it is harder and harder to plan a creative and impressive ask.

One must pick a method that is new, big and deeply meaningful to the female target.

Most people know that a bad ask-out can be devastating, as I have only encountered a few girls (fewer than the number of the fingers on both of my hands) in my lifetime that would prefer a quiet and personal appeal.

Coordinating the plan with her friends: This has to be one of the most awkward parts of any ask-out.  To stage a magnificent ask-out, one typically needs help.  Help to create the poster, help to position the girl in the right place at the right time, help to keep you from chickening out … the list goes on.

Many proud people find requesting help painful, but it is even worse to ask the girl’s friends for help.  These friends often function like a disapproving family, snubbing you and only reluctantly agreeing to help you.

One can never tell if they will simply rat you out to the subject of your affections, spoiling your plans and poisoning your reputation with subsequent criticism.

Coordinating the plan with your friends: Not much to say here aside from the fact that your bros are often prone to be easily distracted by the enjoyment of your embarrassment, and are not the best at keeping secrets.

That said, this is not true of all dudes.  However, it is often best to seek the aid of a female friend of yours.

Putting the plan into action: The most stressful part.  Every slight blunder, mistake or deviation from the plan makes you fear a catastrophic failure.  The scariest part is that your feelings are now out in the open and vulnerable.  When you finish your speech, all you can do is hope.

Victory: To some, this increases arrogant self-confidence.  To most, it leaves them exhausted and now worried about the plans proposed to their lady friends.

Defeat: Do I even need to talk about this?  Imagine someone grabbing your heart with a freezing fist and squeezing it till it bursts.  Now imagine smiling despite the pain and saying it doesn’t matter.

Worrying about the date: Assuming you succeed in your ask, you now have to worry about the subsequent date: how you will act, what you will wear, will you panic, will she like the date, what if you mess it up — the fears, both ludicrous and rational, will nearly tear you apart.

The date itself: Keep it together, stay calm, salvage the conversation from that bad joke, keep it together, stay calm, eye contact, laugh at her joke, smile, keep it together, stop sweating, don’t offer to finish her food, to dessert or not to dessert, how much does this cost again, STOP THINKING ABOUT THE COST, keep it together, is she enjoying herself, STAY CALM.

Aftermath: You now have to either plan for the future, if you have succeeded, or deal with crushing defeat.

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Valentine’s Day struggles: Girls v. Guys