Hello there, giants and skyscrapers. Welcome to the diary of a 4 ’11 girl with big dreams in a tall world. As everyone’s favorite hand rest and football, I must say the weather at close to ground level isn’t great, and that’s just the beginning. You would think that high school students would know how to walk in an orderly fashion to their classes, but that’s far from the reality. Whenever I enter a hallway, I know exactly what’s coming next, and in my head, I tell myself, “Let the trampling games begin!”
It’s like storming through the fierce battlefields of Narnia, my hair completely shaken up from the feet stomping around me and booming voices screaming down at me. There’s not one day where I’m not shoved in the face, pulled into the crowd like a lost traveller, or worse, tripped over one of your over extended feet.
And how can I forget the amount of times people I kind of know have said things like, “Hey, did you become shorter since the last time we saw each other?”
I honestly don’t even know what you’re trying to achieve with this, and if it’s supposed to mean something to me. Although this statement might be true as I turn 40, I believe I should be good for the next 23 years (knock on wood…). So if you recall saying this to someone or even me, maybe consider picking up a book for once and educating yourself on how genetics actually works. Right now, this seems like a lazy attempt at an insult with a broken punchline. Whatever the joke was, it simply didn’t punch and instead landed flat, like your face when you bang your head on the doorway.
Nowadays, when I’m just trying to exist in my natural habitat, top-chain predators get ready to lift me off the ground and place me at a new spot. This is honestly quite an interesting situation, because I truly do respect the need to channel your inner beast and offer me pickup services free of charge.But you see, the thing is, I never asked for it. Who really wants to be carried anyway? Definitely not me, because the last time I checked, I’m not a lion cub that needs to be grabbed by the shoulders and definitely don’t need to be lifted or thrown around like one.
Moving on to the invasive species of my ecosystem, my “favorite” millennials, who, by the way, aren’t much of saints, you guys seem to believe that all your thoughts really got to come out! I really wish that weren’t the case, because your little retorts may be creative, but sometimes they strike quite the nerve. Like, where do you find the inspiration for them? Maybe it’s all the millennial version of brain rot you find on your instagram for you page, or perhaps Reddit threads.
Anyway, on the bright side, most invasive species and top predators face their downfall at their peak level of insanity, as there’s only so much space for everyone to coexist. And the best part is that it has been scientifically proven that shorter people live longer due to lesser-known health complications compared to tall people, defying the general way regular food chains work.
So now that you know what you do feel free to take whatever necessary action you may want to take, if at all. And most importantly, finally figure out what you want to do next with your life, knowing that you may not even extend past the average life expectancy. This goes for everyone, both invasive species and top predators (a.k.a millennials and “tall” people)! I’m watching you!
Happy soul searching, giants and skyscrapers!
