Notable Opinions: Barron Trump, the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse & DV students

“I think it’s so sad how some children in America do not even have a birthday cake. I think every child should have the chance to blow out candles on their special day, which is why I am starting a new nonprofit: ‘Let Them Eat Cake.’” — Barron Trump, on his duties as the First Child of the United States       

  “Sometimes EPA Administrator Pruitt, EdSec DeVos, SecState Tillerson, President Trump and I like to get together and golf.” — Death, Horseman of the Apocalypse, on cracking open a cold one with the boys  

“Brother against brother, friend against friend. Kin means nothing anymore. It is a cruel world, where every man must fend for himself.” — DV Student, on discussions of a new class ranking system   "Dear Applicant, Thank you for applying to [your dream university]. Our admissions committee has concluded that we are unable to offer you acceptance. The quality of the applicant poo...

“I watched the season finale of ‘Rick and Morty’ and I was like — so many uncultured swines fail to analyze the subliminal themes of Nietzche’s Ubermensch, and clearly haven’t even read Dostoevsky. Frankly, how can you even watch this space cartoon without understanding phenomenal introspection as a justification of epistemic hedonism?” — The youngster who drew the Pickle Rick pa...