Hello DV students!
Thank you for submitting to the Wildcat Tribune’s Rapid Response advice column! We’ve tried our best to answer your questions for this week.
Disclaimer: The advice of the Wildcat Tribune Advice Column is provided by students, for students. While we have your best interests in mind, and we will try our best to help you, we are not expert sources for more serious topics. Our advice is intended to support you and help guide your decisions, but you are in no ways obligated to take it. Please email the Tribune if you feel the need to reach out for any kind of help or follow up for any inquiries.
Want to ask some anonymous questions and get advice? Our form opens every Monday and closes on Friday at 11:59 pm. Responses are always posted on Sundays on this website. Week 13’s responses will be available on Sunday, February 3.
Week 13 form: https://goo.gl/forms/LiZ4T5MroeKqr8Yi2
Q: Boba tea flavor recommendations?
A: Dear Tea,
The drink I pick usually depends on my mood, the time of the day, and the weather. If it’s sunny and warm, go for something fruity like Passion Fruit Royal Tea (although I RARELY reach for this drink). If the weather is cool yet sunny, something milky is ideal, go for something like Roasted Oolong milk tea or jasmine milk tea. If it’s cold and rainy, get something like Earl Grey Milk Tea or Classic Rose Milk Tea. If you aren’t picky AT ALL, then go for a nice Caramel Milk Tea.
Hope this helps,
Q: There is this person in my class that some of my other classmates ship me with but I have no interest in this person. It gets really annoying but these other classmates are nice (most of the time.) What should I do to tell them to back off? Thanks.
– a wildcat
A: Dear a wildcat:
Having been in a similar situation before, my advice is to try to not take it personally. I know that’s easier said than done, and this only works up to a certain point. After that, you are better off telling your classmates “hey, can you guys stop? It’s gotten to be a little much, I don’t have interest in this person.” There really is no other way to phrase it, so being straight up is best. Also, don’t react too much, because then they will think that your annoyed at them because you actually like this person and you don’t want it to show. This is going to sound kinda confusing, but basically be stern and strict so they know it’s for real, but don’t appear overly-upset, because then that sends the wrong impression. If that doesn’t work, don’t engage with any of those classmates when you don’t have to OR kindly remind them to stop. It will wear off *eventually.*
Q: So I’m new to this school and I have a friend who came from the same school I was before to DV at the same time as I did. TBH, I wasn’t really ecstatic about her being in the same school as I am because she’s kinda annoying but mainly cuz I like to have new beginnings. We had the same friend group last year, and those friends were absolute sh*t. And I realized it. She didn’t. And she used to keep brooding about missing our old school and I really didn’t like it. Now, she doesn’t talk about it cuz I’ve told her to stop, and also tried explaining why they were bad friends and people in general. So the whole of semester 1, we sat together alone. Now I reached out to another friend group and I sit with them now. She’s pretty stubborn about making friends, so I had to drag her along since I didn’t want to leave her alone. She just kinda sits there on her phone not doing anything or talking to anyone. Now, I feel like I’m kinda neglecting her, and I’m not the kind of person to neglect someone, but I feel really annoyed by her nowadays but at the same time, I don’t want to be a female dog and just ditch her completely. She doesn’t try to talk to anyone in our group and just sits there. I feel like I’m leaving her alone, cuz I want to talk to my new friends, but she doesn’t want to, and I can’t keep talking to her. Am I a bad person?
A: You aren’t a bad person for not wanting to hang out with someone. People grow apart, and feelings toward people wane overtime and there’s just nothing you can do about it. If she doesn’t want to talk to the new friends that you made, tell her to make a group of friends of her own. This may seem harsh, but if she doesn’t seem to interact well with a crowd that you are eager to be around, this compatibility between you two seems to be dwindling. I wouldn’t advise you to completely “ditch” her but constantly urge her to find a group of people that she is comfortable to be around. As cliche as it sounds, you need space to grow and become your own person. Don’t just drop her immediately but talk to her about finding a crowd that sticks with her. Then, you can proceed to cut off ties or something along those lines. If you completely drop her at once, it can cause other problems you very much want to avoid, so talk to her about finding other people first.
Hope this helps, and good luck!
Q: How do you get over someone? I’ve stopped talking to him, but I still see him every day, and I’ve tried to keep myself busy by studying, but I seriously can’t get him out of my head.
A: Dear SofieDossiFan,
If you ignore your feelings for him or suppress them by distracting, those feelings will distort or grow bigger. I suggest keeping some distance from him, but letting yourself feel those emotions. Listen to sad music, rant to your friends, binge a comedy in your spare time. Don’t make it hard on yourself by studying unnecessarily.
If you can’t get him out of your head, find material for new thoughts. Go out with friends and have some interesting experiences or even talk to other guys.
I know this may be a tough place to be (we’ve all been there), but I promise things will get better and you will move on.
Q: so there’s this guy in one of my classes. we used to sit near each other, but then our teacher moved our places. thing is, he. never. talks. hes a rlly quiet kid, like even when we sat near each other and were in a group project, he never spoke. he refrained so much from speaking that it was kinda weird. hed just point to things or write responses for questions we asked him. i rlly wanna try talking to him, and i wanna try to be friends with him cuz he seems so lonely. we are on different sides of the classroom now, plus there are some buttholes where he sits, and i dont want them to tease me if i randomly start talking to him. what do i do?
A: Try going to talk to him when they aren’t around. If the annoying people bother you, just ignore them. It sounds cliche, but it really works. They’ll lose interest eventually and leave you alone. Think about who’s opinion you value more, the quiet boy’s or the other kids. Also, if this doesn’t work, try talking to him after class during passing period. If you see him on the way to class, walk in with him, the other kids might assume that you’re already friends with him and leave you alone. Definitely try to avoid showing that you’re upset/annoyed, because chances are, they’ll do it more to get a reaction out of you. Maybe even just humor them and sarcastically agree with what they say. The boy you’re trying to talk to might even get a better impression of you from it, knowing you have a sense of humor and it could be the beginning of a great friendship!
Hope it helps,
Q: what’s the best way to ask for a rec letter so that you don’t come off as rude?
A: Dear tree,
Talk to the teacher in advance – give them at least a month–preferably longer—to write your letter. Approach them in person, and at a time when they’re not busy. Be open and friendly – you don’t need to be overly formal, but don’t be too casual to ensure they know you’re taking this seriously. Tell them you’d really appreciate if they wrote a letter of recommendation for you, and ask if they’re willing to do so. And be sure to thank them! They’re using their own time to help you get into college. If there are forms specific to a department (English, Science, etc.) that you need to fill out beforehand for letters of recommendation, bring them along when you ask for the letter. It might also be a good idea to offer them your resume to give them a better understanding of who you are as a student and as an individual. When the letter is sent off to the colleges you’re applying too, be sure to thank them again (sincerely!) for their time.
Lastly, don’t overthink this too much – as long as you don’t make any aggressive demands or disregard basic manners when you speak to them, you should be fine. “Please,” “Thank you,” and a smile go a long way.
Q: I’m bored and I want to know what to do during my free time. Being a second semester senior makes me question what is the purpose of coming to school besides finishing high school graduation requirements. Thanks
– A Senior
A: Dear A Senior,
Well it seems like you have a textbook case of senioritis, and quite frankly, I envy the stage of life. I’m still a junior, so I’m at the stage where every time I find a decent book, TV show, or place to visit, I mentally shelve it away for second semester senior year. My advice would just start doing the things you never had the time to do or all the activities you had to forget about while you studied or worked on college applications. Maybe make a bucket list of ideas you want to carry out in your remaining time at high school— maybe find a job that you’re interested in or try out new restaurants in the Bay Area. Go out with friends, find some new hobbies, and focus on extracurriculars if they’re a big part if your life.
As for your motivation on being in school, maybe try to remember that you’re studying for yourself now. If the college was your primary motivator, maybe find some topic within your classes or outside your classes to keep you intellectually stimulated. You can do anything: learn a language, learn about obscure and random concept, and essentially engage in learning that’s more meaningful to you. You’re probably going to still want to come to school, keep your grades up, and learn, because while the need to relax and blow off learning might be there, I doubt you want to ruin the effort you put into school for the last eleven twelve odd years by completely slacking off now.
In a nutshell, try making and completing a bucket list and finding some new intellectual hobbies to pursue.
Q: How can I tell if I really like someone or if it’s just a feeling?
– Sweet Sister
A: If you really like someone, you’d want to be around them as much as possible, you can’t seem to get them out of your head and you text/message/snapchat/DM them constantly just so you can talk to them all the time. If it’s just a feeling, you may find yourself attracted to a tiny gesture that they did or a tiny part of their personality attracts you.
Hope that clarifies something,